“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn” Trailer Presented By Nutty Madam

Way down below is the first trailer for “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn,” which I’m sure millions of Twitards have already tried to legally marry on the Internet so that they can scoot naked all over in it.

And above is the Twitard of all Twitards, Nutty Madam, giving her reaction to this mess while she’s watching it. Nutty Madam took a break from answering phones for Papa Jack to give a full body quivering orgasm that probably made her chair break the same way RPattz broke that damn bed.

Yes, Nutty Madam turned up the fuckery for melodramatic purposes since she’s an Internet star now, but still. In a matter of minutes, bitch’s face is taking us from “falling in love with a puppy” to “watching a puppy get disemboweled.”

And then when they get to the sex shit…lord! I bet Nutty Madam’s cats were doing the backstroke in a river of panty pudding below her.

Seriously, that shit should be the real trailer.

The New “Planet Of The Apes” Trailer Is Amazing!!!

My first thought when I heard that they were doing another “Planet of the Apes” movie, this time as an origin story with James Franco and Freida Pinto, was that I really really really REALLY want to fuck Freida Pinto. 

My second thought was that this movie sounded dumb. But then the teaser trailer looked terrific, and now the full trailer I saw during the “X-Men: First Class” special screening last Friday looked even better.

I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was to train the monkeys to glare and throw hammers and do all those stunts and stuff. James Franco’s medicine isn’t real, is it? Is that how they did it? Damn you James Franco, you’ve doomed us all! You’ve made the monkeys bullet-proof super geniuses!

Wait what? Oh, they’re not bullet proof? Oh. Well then I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.