Fan Art of the Day: Star Wars On Vacation

Almost every recreation of Star Wars that can be imagined has been created, which is why Franco Brambillo’s hilarious collages of Star Wars characters hanging out in old post cards are so amazing.

It’s hard to imagine a more jarring combination, but it still works oh so well. Surely in the Star Wars universe there’s a pleasure planet or two where these guys can kick back and read a trashy novel, right?

Must-Have Item Of The Day: The Strangest (Coolest) Luggage Ever!!!

All packed for your weekend away? Ooooooh no you’re not. Not until you’ve stuffed your clothes into a piece of ingenious luggage from Williams British Handmade.

Check out more wish-they-were-mine bags and cases below.

Jessica Lowndes Does FHM South Africa

I really don’t think it’s a big secret that if I was walking on the beach and found a genie lamp, my first wish would be a threesome with Jessica Lowndes and Lucy Pinder.

Then my second wish would be for them to make me a sandwich.

Then my third wish would be for them to be quiet for 15 minutes. 

My god, you can’t shut up for 15 minutes? What’s so important? Huh? What’s so important? Oh, you’re gonna walk away now? If it’s so important let’s hear it!

Your cat had another dream? You can’t find anything to wear in your three closets? You hit that parked car because it jumped out in front you? WHAT?!

By the way, don’t use so much mayonnaise next time. You hear me Jessica? Do I need to drop you two off at Subway so you can learn to be a sandwich artist? Christ!

WTF of the Day: Real Life Barbie Doll

When your life’s goal is to look as close to a Barbie doll as humanly possible, it’s pretty clear you need a reality check. STAT!

The Shallow Man Comic Strip of the Day: The First Time

WIN of the Day: Epic Batman

What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This: Terrence Howard’s Gay Get-Up

As you can tell by the faces of passersby, Terrence Howard recently left the house wearing a combination of garments that could scarcely be believed.

I put the question to you: WHAT IS THE GAYEST PART OF THIS OUTFIT?

Is it the newsie cap? The pink bedazzling on the newsie cap? Is it the scarf? The girly knot the scarf is tied into? The zip-up sweater? The jeans with pockets with button flaps?
Note: Jeans are like genitals, if yours have flaps, you’re a girl.

There are a lot of options, but I’ll tell you what the least gay part is: The socks with Birkenstocks. I can’t imagine any self-respecting gay man wearing those.

Truthery of the Day: Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” is Literate

Brighten your lives with shiny truth gems :)

Signs of the Apocalypse, Part 10

 

If you’re on a diet, fuck it off and stick your face in bowl of fried lard. If for some fucked-up reason you have declared celibacy, go rub and wet hump the first hot piece you see. If there’s a whore out there that doesn’t know how much you hate them, immediately knee them in the butt bone and destroy them with the cunt word. Because the end is near.

The sky is about to turn black and the earth will implode! Baby Jesus, hold me in your arms and dry my tears with your breath. I’m scared.

Harley Quinn Broke My Heart

Were you one of the many, many nerds who found Harley Quinn prancing about in her nurse’s outfit in the “Batman: Arkham Asylum” videogame to be a bit…titillating?

Well, let me ruin that for you. Forever…

L.A. Laker Star Brings The Crazy: Ron Artest Changes Name To Metta World Peace!

It’s official: CRAZY IS VICTORIOUS TODAY! Starting right now, the L.A. Lakers forward and “Dancing With The Stars” a.k.a. “Dancing For Relevancy” contestant will hear “Mr. World Peace, your Thorazine prescription is ready” at the pharmacy, because a judge approved his name change from Ron Artest to Metta World Peace.

I’ve already said my “peace” (sorry for the bad pun) about Metta World Peace, so I’m just going to do the topless Lambada with an orange and be thankful that our asses are living in a time when the court approves ideas co-created by an insane motherfucker (I mean, an insane mettafucker) and the ganja pipe. Oh, what a wonderful world.

The L.A. Times also says that the fuckery doesn’t fall far from the fuckery tree, because Metta’s 8-year-old daughter Diamond wants to take his new last name. So, she’ll be Diamond World Peace. I guess Diamond thinks that having the name of a pole dancer at a UNICEF strip club is a good way to go through life.

And even though Metta World Peace probably talks about constellations and shit while hitting it from the back, I still would.

Looks Legit: Photo from Year 1870 Proves Nic Cage a Vampire

An original carte de visite, c. 1870, “showing a man who looks exactly like Nic Cage.”

eBay seller jack_mord says: “Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, etcetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so.”

So…a portrait of a dude from the 19th century proves that Nicolas Cage is totally a vampire. Nicolas’ hair plugs look like they’re from the 1870s so this makes sense.