Thursday, January 12, 2012
Here’s a video of Miley Cyrus in concert the other day in South America. She leaves the crowd with some inspiring words of wisdom in her hick accent.
After thanking the crowd for making her dreams come true, she makes the bold statement that her purpose in life is to “spread a message of love.” If that’s not some hippie shit to warm your cold black heart with the self-righteous bullshit she spews, then maybe her push-up bra and amazing cleavage will.
Because I know I’ll embrace whatever level of crazy a bitch talks while showing off titties. I’m always just in it for the titties…
Miley Cyrus poses in a thong and bra in the video stills below from her role as a typical slutty teenager in a new movie with the cryptic title “LOL.”
Miley Cyrus displays amazing acting ability by being able to so perfectly capture the American teen slut. By exposing her body through the art of acting, Miley is making a strong statement about the degenerative nature of Western culture.
As these thong and bra pictures show, Miley Cyrus is the greatest actress of our time. Truly, Miley deserves no less than a dozen Oscars for this courageous performance.
Some of the “experts” are saying that Megan Fox is already done and as proof they point out that “Jennifer’s Body” didn’t make any money. Keep in mind however that the experts never have any idea WTF they’re talking about.
“Jennifers Body” didn’t make any money because it sucked, and it sucked because it was written by Diablo Cody (Juno). Even with that anchor around its neck, “Body” made $6.9 million on it’s opening weekend. Compare that to “Whiteout,” starring Kate Beckinsale, which was another movie that opened roughly the same time as “Jennifer’s Body.” That made $4.9 million. “Love Happens,” starring Jennifer Aniston, opened with $8 million. Before that, Aniston starred in “Management.” It opened on May 15th, and as of yesterday, it’s made a total of $934,658. You could have been collecting cans since May 15th and made more than that.
Point being: LOOK. AT. HER. Just look at Megan in this video of her lesbian kissing scene from “Jennifer’s Body.”
Yes, you can find better dialogue in a Mentos commercial, and your local weatherman has better special effects, but Megan overcomes it all! She rises up like a Phoenix from the ashes, and takes us on a journey of erotic delights!
The first time Mystica wafted onto the screen, I had to check to make sure my TV didn’t accidentally jump to the Trinity Network, because a mythical ginger angel from the cholita heavens was before me.
Mystica is like a walking explosion of my deepest dreams: Ginger + Exquisite Cholita Beauty + Eyebrows That Can Only Be Removed With A Magic Eraser + World Class Lip Liner Action = Close The Coffin Door Because I Can Die Now.
If your senses can take it, check out the video below to see the flaming torch of radiance that belongs in the hand of The Statue of Liberty:
I was gonna say that “American Pie” star Mena Suvari has some pretty weird breasts, but then I realized her head’s not that great either. Or her stomach. Or hair. So it would have been a miracle of modern science if this mess did have a nice rack. It would be like if you saw a monkey with beautiful blond hair. Except, replace that with an analogy that makes sense and doesn’t make me sound like a total fucking retard.
Here she is showing off her weird chesticles in the mess of a movie “The Mystery of Pittsburgh.”