Monday, January 30, 2012
Here’s Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel in a bikini because Candice Swanepoel was specifically born to wear bikinis and lingerie and make it difficult for you to act excited when your girlfriend comes home with a Victoria’s Secret bag.
Awww, look at her sitting over there trying so hard. Now pat her on the head and tell her she looks just as good as those skinny models. They’re way too skinny for you! You don’t even think they’re attractive! What does she eat? Birdseed? LOL!
You like a woman who can eat and have a beer. You love a woman who isn’t wrapped up in her physical appearance and is more focused on her inner beauty. Say it just like that. I mean, you have to, because it’s not like Candice Swanepoel is gonna come by and make you sandwiches and do your laundry now, is she?
Billy Squier’s 1984 video is an MBA case study in How To Make A Bad Artistic Decision. When Squier’s manager saw the video, he was speechless. When Squier’s label saw it, an executive said, “The immediate consensus was that Billy’s performance was disturbingly effeminate.” Squier himself said the video snuffed out his career, after two huge-selling albums.
Too much drinking…not capable of putting a sentence together…last night I was out collecting bottles with some crackhead who kept taking crack-smoking breaks…because I am all for free entertainment…I should be a documentary filmmaker with the shit I see…but I’m gonna go pass out in my own vomit instead…if you’re lucky, I’ll choke.
Anyhoo, here’s a video of bold star Priscilla Almeda closing her eyes and moaning with pleasure while some douchebag licks her wet pussy during an outdoor sexcapade. Enjoy, pervs!
Nicole Kidman went to lunch in L.A. today, and when she arrived she had the whole place to herself. Not because she’s famous, but because she looks like the ghost of a murdered 60’s Barbie, and ghosts are very scary.
Thanks to the Spice Girls’ creator Simon Fuller, the late 90’s was graced by the brilliance of a fourth shelf Elvis impersonator from England named Jimmy Ray.
Simon Fuller molded Jimmy Ray into a skinny-ass Elvis for our generation and with the charisma of Keanu Reeves and the moves of a sedated Buddy Holly, Jimmy Ray had a semi-hit (his only semi-hit) with “Are You Jimmy Ray?” That song was stuffed with more question marks than the inside of my head when I wonder about whatever happened to Jimmy Ray.
Jimmy looked like a borderline anorexic lesbian man-nymph who had the lyrics to a Morrissey song tattooed on his inner thigh, always wore a mechanic shirt, smelled like pomade and menthols and rolled his eyes every time a ho compared him to Luke Perry. Just my type!
I don’t know whatever happened to Jimmy. Wiki says he was in some band in 2009, but he dropped off the face of the Internet after that. Whatever happened to his ass, I hope that he made the most out of his signature pout. The bitch could pout! And with a pout like that, I hope he either became a MAC counter boy or a child beauty queen.