The original Sabado Nights girl sheds her clothes and her shame to give us a good view of her bare breasts and nicely trimmed pussy while dancing completely naked in the movie “Burlesk Queen Ngayon.”
Not to discount Ina Raymundo’s hot mom body that’s better than most mom bodies, even the mom bodies I see leaving the gym, moms that have been working out insanely for the past three years to keep their rich husbands interested in their bodies.
But almost any naked bitch who isn’t overweight is gonna look amazing…even if they don’t. It’s the magic of nudity, motherfucker. But I know this Ina bitch is pro, and here she is getting paid for the shit.
As hot as you may find it, the whole “having a baby” thing throws me off. I mean, Ina at 19 was a force of nature. If she were a storm, she’d be Hurricane Katrina. Now she’s just a breezy day…a reflection of what she once was. And that’s the problem with sluts: they’re only human and they get old.
This is a trailer for “Lollipop Chainsaw,” the videogame starring a cheerleader who fights zombies with a chainsaw and her boyfriend’s decapitated head. Specifically, it’s a trailer for the five alternate outfits you get for pre-ordering the game from GameStop.
I don’t recognize the last four, but the third one...YOWZA. You got me, guys.
And now for your daily dose of easy Schadenfreude, the top 15 movie flops of 2011. While it’s easy and fun to tap dance on the graves of most of these ass piles (pour a little rum out for “The Rum Diary”– I liked it), remember: justice won’t truly be served until everyone involved in the making of “New Year’s Eve” gets shot out of a cannon.
1. Mars Needs Moms Studio: Disney Release Date: March 11, 2011 Budget: $150 million Worldwide Gross: $39 million
2. Sucker Punch Studio: Warner Bros. Stars: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens Release Date: March 25, 2011 Budget: $82 million Worldwide gross: $89.8 million
3. Arthur Studio: Warner Bros. Stars: Russell Brand, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Garner Release Date: April 8, 2011 Budget: $40 million-plus Worldwide Gross: $45.7 million
4. Green Lantern Studio: Warner Bros. Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively Release Date: June 17, 2011 Budget: $200 million Worldwide Gross: $219.9 million
5. Cowboys & Aliens Studio: DreamWorks/Universal Stars: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford Release Date: July 29, 2011 Budget: $163 million Worldwide Gross: $178.8
6. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie Studio: Fox Stars: Lea Michele, Chris Colfer, Darren Criss Release Date: Aug. 12 Budget: $9 million Worldwide Gross: $18.7 million
7. Conan the Barbarian Studio: Lionsgate Stars: Jason Momoa, Rose McGowan Release Date: Aug. 19 Budget: $90 million Wordwide Gross: $48.8 million
8. I Don’t Know How She Does It Studio: Weinstein Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Greg Kinnear Release Date: Sept. 16 Budget: $24 million Worldwide Gross: $30.5 million
Author’s Note: WHO COULD’VE GUESSED THAT AUDIENCES WOULDN’T BE LINING UP AROUND THE CORNER TO WATCH SARAH JESSICA PARKER PLAY SUPER SOCCER MOM???
9. The Thing Studio: Universal Stars: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton Release Date: Oct. 14, 2011 Budget: $38 million Worldwide Gross: $27.4 million
10. The Big Year Studio: 20th Century Fox Stars: Steve Martin, Jack Black, Owen Wilson Release Date: Oct. 14, 2011 Budget: $41 million Worldwide Gross: $7.4 million
11. The Rum Diary Studio: GK Films Stars: Johnny Depp, Aaron Eckhart Release Date: Oct. 28, 2011 Budget: $45 million Worldwide Gross: $21.6 million
Author’s Note: :-(
12. Anonymous Studio: Sony (U.S., most foreign territories) Stars: Rhys Ifans, Vanessa Redgrave, David Thewlis Release Date: Oct. 28, 2011 Budget: $30 million Worldwide Gross: $14.8 million
13. Tower Heist Studio: Universal Stars: Eddie Murphy, Ben Stiller, Matthew Broderick Release Date: Nov. 4, 2011 Budget: $75 million Worldwide Gross: $126.3 million Author’s Note: No solid gold Ferraris for the producers! ZING!
14. Happy Feet Two Studio: Warner bros. Release Date: Nov. 18, 2011 Budget: $135 million Worldwide Gross to Date: $115 million
15. New Year’s Eve Studio: New Line/Warner Bros. Stars: Ashton Kutcher, Zac Efron, Lea Michele, Halle Berry, Josh Duhamel Release Date: Dec. 9, 2011 Budget: $56 million Worldwide Gross to Date: $54.9 million
Forget Jennifer Lopez (you already have), forget Kim Kardashian (also old news), Sofia Vergara has the ultimate ass! It’s a done deal. There’s no arguing this fact. I’ll mud wrestle anyone who says differently. Have you seen this lady? She’s my new favorite celeb-a-babe. Not only does she kick comedy ass on “Modern Family,” but her curves are to die for.
No seriously, I mean it, her curves could kill a man and he would thank the Lord for His creation upon entering the Pearly Gates, you know, after unloading a few pearls of his own, and you do, because I’m talking about sperm and blowing his load over the amazing Sofia Vergara and her body to die for…which we’ve already covered…in sperm…hopefully.
Choosing between Sofia’s ass and tits is nearly impossible, because both are so spectacular. This all-natural beauty knows the power her curves hold and she’s not afraid to use them on the likes of us.
Thankfully, that means that we have the opportunity to get off on videos like this one. Sofia wasn’t well known yet when she filmed this video of her trying on bikinis, lingerie, and posing in her thong at the beach, but her body was already on its way to making this gorgeous babe famous. And you’ll see why in a minute.
WARNING: THE VIDEO ABOVE CONTAINS THE MOST GRAPHIC LEGO-ON-LEGO VIOLENCE YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. Also, it is totally awesome. When asked for a comment after seeing the video, Chris “Captain America” Evans vomited in shock and horror, and then he cried.
I’m not sure if I am a genius or a retard. I’m not sure if I am the worst kind of person or the best. I just know I love fucking with people and wish that it actually got me somewhere other than a nice warm spot in Hell. From pretending I’m autistic on Twitter to making fat chicks on dating sites like me then not showing up to teach them the perils of online dating, I am a monster and it makes me fucking laugh.
Anyhoo, here’s scandal-plagued actress and plastic surgeon favorite Katrina Halili showing off her surgically enhanced naked body. You can fill the bitch up with Botox, silicone, pig’s blood…whatever. I’d still hit it.
