Monday, April 23, 2012
Obviously, getting the Avengers to wear their traditional superhero outfits in their upcoming movie is not going to happen, which is one reason why this Avengers movie trailer redone with their Marvel Legends figures is so great. The other reason is the clever toy substitution—The Vision for Agent Coulson, Iron Man showing up in pretty much every armor Toy Biz and Hasbro ever made.
Melati Suryodarmo, Indonesian performance artist and creator of lard-stained WTFs, birthed out this butter dance two years ago and there’s a chance your brain has already shut down while trying to process all 6 minutes, but let’s watch it all over again, because who needs functioning brain cells, right? I’ve been proving that you don’t for the past 7 years!
Melati slips on a pair of patent leather fuckum heels and gracefully surfs on a board of butter on a Land O’Lake before having several BITCH GOES DOWN moments. This IS art. Art is always open to interpretation and I’m interpreting this as everything from the birth of Jessica Simpson’s baby to Khloe Kardashian’s idea of a Slip ‘n Slide. Or maybe the butter represents what happens to our brains while we watch every second of this beautiful mess.
And yes, this is why the name “Melati Suryodarmo” is #1 on Norway’s Most Wanted Criminal list.
As you can see in the shocking video above, country music star Taylor Swift was caught feeling up her own butt while performing in concert.
What a disgusting display of sexual degeneracy by Taylor Swift! If there was just one morally upstanding individual in that audience ,Taylor Swift would have been stoned as soon as she stepped on stage in that slutty gold dress. Of course, that is too much to expect from the depraved masses, who stupidly cheer as Taylor Swift shamelessly plays with her ass while she gyrates her awkward body.
Emma Watson is up to her old tricks, this time showing off her tight little ass for attention.
Is there no limit to the sexual depravity Emma Watson will stoop to? As we have seen repeatedly on this site, the answer is a definite no.
Emma Watson will continue to prostitute her shameful nude feminine sex organs for fame and fortune, as this is what she has been taught by the whores of Hollywood from a young age. Only a thorough “re-education program” by The Shallow Man with a “whip” made from the stiffest of “reeds” can save Emma Watson now.
I don’t generally cover movie posters—they’re hardly indicative of how good or bad a movie will end up—but I’m still so baffled to be looking forward to the G.I. Joe movie sequel that it still seems newsworthy when I see something for “Retaliation” that delights me. Like these movie posters.
HOLY SHIT THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE G.I. JOE TO ME. I CAN LOOK AT THESE POSTERS, AND IF THERE WAS NO TEXT ON THEM, I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEM AS PROMOTING A G.I. JOE MOVIE. And look at this!
HOLY SHIT COBRA COMMANDER LOOKS BADASS. HE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A CRUNCHBERRY IN A GAS MASK. HE LOOKS LIKE COBRA COMMANDER. ARRRRGGGHH. In short, I am pleased.
There are actually four other movie posters—one of Bruce Willis as Joe Colton, which is just Bruce Willis in a suit carrying a gun, like every Bruce Willis movie poster; Jinx, who admittedly doesn’t look as G.I. Joe as these guys; Storm Shadow, who is shirtless, and thus doesn’t look particularly G.I. Joe either; and finally Channing Tatum, who is terrible and I hate. But still, that means 50% of the movie posters look like G.I. Joe! That’s significant forward progress, people!
“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” looks like it should be a lot of fun, and here’s the new thirty-second spot to prove it.
So I just saw a dumpy woman get out of her BMW and I thought to myself how shitty it must be to be the guy who bought her that, because if you are going to spend a million or more on a car, it might as well be for a hot-as-fuck, younger, tighter girl…not some old, washed-up bag you married and knocked up when you were young and poor and who you feel you owe something to…unless she knows her place and lets you fuck younger girls, justifying her gold-digging as love because she’s in it for the long haul and the good life
Who cares? These aren’t problems I have to deal with. I just see them and laugh at how unimportant their self-importance is.
Anyhoo, here’s my future ex-wife Misa Ocampo, a good example of a hot-as-fuck, younger, tighter girl that I would gladly buy a car worth a million or more…if I had that kind of money…or any money for that matter. Point being: I’m flat broke.
Like our Facebook page while I go drink my face off trying to recruit strippers to let me take pictures of them after we have sex for a high concept project I am working on called “Strippers I Just Fucked.”
Yes, I’m a genius and I’m living the fucking dream.
Anyhoo, here’s Rica Peralejo...if you still remember her. This is nothing exciting. I mean, other than the fact that the bitch is showing her tits, because anyone showing tits deserves to be noticed or looked at, a life lesson I try to spread around the world to make it a happier place…at least, for myself…but unfortunately no one is listening. Story of my life…