The Photoshop Awards: Lady GaGa’s Hilariously Awful “Born This Way” Album Cover

Just like that, every Honda Spree is feeling hotter than a motherfucker today, because their title as “The Biggest Two-Wheeled Joke In The World” has been replaced by this Trannyformers disaster.

Late last night, Lady CaCa dropped a Photoshopped shit bomb on her little monsters when she Twatted out the album cover for “Born This Way.”

I can already hear CaCa vroom-vroom-vrooming about how this is METAPHORICAL HIGH ART CAMP and only the few chosen ones who have recently gotten an oil and filter change in their creative node will understand this.

Stick a banana in her exhaust pipe and tell her gas pumper at AM/PM to start filling her tank with a steady stream of GET OVER YOUR FUCKING SELF (87 octane, of course). I will tell CaCa the same thing I told my cousin when she came out of the airbrusher store in SM Megamall wearing a T-shirt with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck (in “Smile Now, Cry Later” style) on it: walk in front of me and don’t make eye contact with me when we’re both in line at KFC.

Nicolas Cage Dares The Cops To Arrest Him, Gets Arrested

Nicolas Cage, the spastic duffel bag of crazy who can furrow his brow like no other, was put into handcuffs in New Orleans earlier this morning and it wasn’t because he made “Season of the Witch.” It also wasn’t because he named his son Kal-El. Nicolas allegedly pushed his wife (and one of my gold digging heroes) Alice Kim and then freaked out at the cops when they told him to take his drunk ass home. Where is Elisabeth Shue when Nicolas Cage really needs her?



A source tells TMZ that a cab driver called 911 when he watched an extremely wasted Nicolas Cage push Alice during a fight on the streets. The cops arrived and weren't even interested in arresting Nic. The cops told him to go home, but being the mouthy douchefart that he is, Nic kept screaming at them: “Why don’t you just arrest me?” Dear dumbasses, when you dare a cop to arrest you, THEY’RE GOING TO FUCKING ARREST YOU.

The cops caged Nicolas and charged him with domestic violence and disturbing the peace. Nicolas is still in the clink and waiting for his bail hearing. Alice swears he didn’t get physical with her and hasn’t filed a complaint.

Nicolas already has to sell his collection of pharaoh skulls to pay the IRS and now he goes and double dares the cops to arrest him? If you thought that Nicolas Cage couldn’t make a worse life decision than “Wicker Man,” he has just proven you wrong.

And in case you’re keeping score:

Nicolas Cage: 0 Bees: 2



And here’s Nicolas Cage’s contribution to the world of WTF celebrity mug shots:

Shit looks like somebody’s techno-dumb daddy trying to Skype in an Apple Store.

UPDATE: Nicolas’ ass just paid his $11k bail and is back out on the streets daring society to watch his movies.

Worst. Party. Ever.

I’m glad I wasn’t invited. Really, I totally had other things to do.

Top 5 Reasons The Miami Heat Won’t Win A Championship

This one was easy. Just say “Miami Heat,” then stand back and listen to you vent. As my best bud Clyde so eloquently put it: “Give the Miami Heat credit for replacing the Los Angeles Lakers…as the most hated team in basketball.”

And, of course, when it comes to dislike, LeBron James is “The King.”

My buddy Sid suggests the word “LeBron” is taking on a new meaning in our lexicon. Sid remembers when LeBron was in Cleveland and we kept hearing phrases such as “LeBron’s 50 points not enough” or “LeBron’s efforts not enough,” so he suggests “LeBron” actually means “not enough.”

“Supposed you’re trying to sell a car worth Php100,000 and some dude only offers Php50,000,” Sid said. “Your reply should be ‘Hey, man, don’t try to LeBron me!’”

Harsh, Sid, harsh.

Anyhoo, let’s get to the list:

Top 5 Reasons Heat Won’t Win a Championship

5. Two words: Chicago Bulls

4. Dwyane Wade can’t keep driving to the hoop because his ex-wife got the car

3. Even the Tin Man says the Heat have no heart

2. LeBron is like a car with an automatic transmission: no clutch

1. Payback for the day last July when “The Three Kings” were welcomed to Miami

If you forgot what that looked like, check out the video. Remember when LeBron and the Heatles proclaimed, “Yes. We. Did.”

Well, for many of us, the reply is:

NO. YOU. WON’T.