Saturday, June 25, 2011
Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man With Super Human Strength Sent By God To Destroy Some Random Couple’s House With A Fireplace Poker?
A West Hartford man with a history of bizarre and threatening behavior was arrested this week in Farmington after he allegedly broke into a house, smashed statues and a marble table with a fireplace poker, then told the homeowners as they arrived home that he’d been sent by God, police said.
Levon T. Sarkisyan, 27, of Eustace Drive, West Hartford, was charged with third-degree burglary and first-degree criminal mischief and was initially held by police with bail set at $50,000. He was released on a promise to appear in court after his arraignment Monday at Superior Court in Hartford.
Police said a Middle Road resident arrived home Sunday and noticed the front door had been kicked in. Sarkisyan, who identified himself as Leon Sark, then walked out the front door and told the homeowner “a light from above told him to do this.”
Sarkisyan then told the homeowner he’d broken into the house because “God wants me to help the world,” adding that he then told the homeowner, “I mean you no harm.” The homeowner told Sarkisyan to sit down, then fumbled with a phone trying to call 911. Sarkisyan said, “You see, God will not let you use the phone.”
As they waited for police, the homeowner asked Sarkisyan how he broke into the home. Sarkisyan then stood up, “flexed his arm and said, ‘You see? Super-human strength.’” Officers arrived moments later and took him into custody without incident.
Later, Sarkisyan told officers he’d smoked “a strange strand of herb” that caused him to do what he did. While in the house, Sarkisyan used a fireplace poker to smash statues, including one of a Roman soldier, and a marble table, causing about $10,000 in damage. Sarkisyan also rummaged through closets, took a shower, then dressed in the clothing of a deceased former resident.
In 2008, University of Connecticut police arrested Sarkisyan after he allegedly made bizarre threats against members of the Kappa Sigma fraternity. Sarkisyan is a UConn graduate. The UConn incidents stemmed from a trip to Miami that Sarkisyan took with two fraternity members and a fourth man. According to the warrant for Sarkisyan’s arrest prepared by police, Sarkisyan treated the trio to an all-expenses-paid trip to South Beach in February 2008. He bought them expensive jewelry, cocaine and the services of a prostitute.
See? This is why I don’t go to church. Being perfectly honest, I don’t really wanna have anything to do with God. Because this is the kind of shit He asks you to do. You go to church every Sunday and put your money in the basket and next thing you know he’s asking for favors and making demands. Imagine if God asked you to smoke a bowl, go destroy someone’s house with a fireplace poker, take a shower, and put on dead grandma’s old clothes? “Yeah, sure thing, Big Guy, see you there.” I don’t even like my asshole friends who asked me to help them move. Last thing I need is another dick in my crew asking me to do completely ridiculous shit.
My two favorite parts about this story is:
1. The super human strength line. Obviously. Just so fucking cocky and arrogant—I love it! Dude already says he’s a messenger from God and now he just throws super human strength right in your face. What a boss move!
2. He identified himself as Leon Sark. Fantastic alias! Sounds like a comic book hero’s name. When I was a kid and I’d be playing make believe and I was like a spy or a cop or something. I always pretended my name was Falcon Johnson. Don’t know why I just thought that was a baller ass name. Just goes to show that whether its the vibrant imagination of a child or a drug induced religious crusade to destroy an innocent couple’s home, we’re all really just playing make believe pretending to be someone we’re not :)
For 12 long, and I mean REALLY LONG years, 52-year old Annie Hawkins-Turner has been a Guinness World Record holder for possibly the most important triumph in the history of womankind–she has the largest breasts in the world.
Known to the adult film industry–and probably one awesome chiropractor–as Norma Stitz, this record holder is no secret to the world. But I had no clue who she was, so it’s news to me.
She recently appeared on “This Morning,” a magazine show in England, to reveal that her gigantic 102ZZZ breasts weigh in at 56 pounds each. But more impressive than that is her incredible film work:
Norma’s First Home Video #1
Norma Stitz Swings to the Beat #13
Norma Stitz and Her Bra #14
Norma Stitz the Giant #24
Norma Stitz Wakes Up Wet and Ready #27
Norma Stitz Smokes; Norma Stitz @ 295 lbs. #33
Norma Stitz /Japan/ Guinness Books of Records #36
Norma Stitz The Unusual Maid #39
What would be unusual about a maid with 112-pounds worth of chesticles? Well, except the post-workday search, of course. I’ve also included a clip of a very special cameo she made in one of my favorite movie genres, zombie horror:
You know, I’ve received some negative feedback in the past when I’ve posted about world records as a form of sports competition. I’m just hoping that we can end that debate today, because I can’t name anything much more athletic than carrying around two 56-pound mammary machines for at least 12 years.
At Kylie Minogue’s concert yesterday in Australia, a gay fan named Ben asked his boyfriend Scott to marry him.
Unless a clip of a pink unicorn proposing to a purple flamingo under a rainbow at an ABBA concert makes its way online today, this is the gayest proposal you’ll see all week!