Zahia Dehar is Hot…and Bionic

I don’t know what this video is all about but I’m glad the director’s penis knows what a Zahia Dehar is.

The Sexiest Bloodsuckers of the Night: Angie Everhart in “Bordello of Blood”

I don’t remember a whole lot of things from the “Tales from the Crypt” movie “Bordello of Blood,” but I do remember that towards the end, Angie Everhart, who plays vampire Lilith, takes a bite out of co-star Erika Eleniak, and all was right with the world.

Other than that, the movie also starred comedian Dennis Miller in what is probably his only starring role that I know of. Plus, one of the Corey guys. I don’t remember which one it was, and at this point, does it matter? The one thing that puts Angie Everhart’s vampire on our list? Red hair. I’m pretty sure this is the only (natural) redheaded vampire I’ve seen at the movies.

Bonus sexy points: Lilith runs a bordello…of vampire hookers! I believe this was one of the plots of the film, but if not, eh, it’s still nice to think about.

The Most Disturbing Films Ever Made: The Human Centipede

For a movie about an insane German doctor who sews several captured tourists mouth-to-anus, “The Human Centipede” is surprisingly not very graphic.  There aren’t many stomach-churning visuals or graphic dismemberments, most of the gore takes place off-screen and is more implied than shown.  

Which is precisely the point at which your imagination kicks in and has the following train of thought:  ”Wow it would really suck to have my mouth pressed up against someone’s asshole for the rest of my life.  I guess I would have to eat their feces.  I feel like this movie is trying to do something with eroticism but I’m just not picking up on it.”  

Then reality grinds to a halt and you realize someone conceptualized, wrote, directed, financed, made costumes and effects, and distributed this movie.  That means that many people spent the better part of a year going to work every day where they strapped three actors together mouth-to-anus and were dead serious about it.  



That is much more disturbing than any torture porn this movie could have been.

The Most Awesome Video Game Secrets: Resident Evil 2’s Alternate Play-Through

Resident Evil games are known for their secret weapons and characters, but perhaps the coolest secret ever in an RE game has to do with the alternate play-through in Resident Evil 2. 

After completing the game as either Claire or Leon, you can then play a whole new scenario as the opposite character following in the footsteps of and occasionally crossing paths with your original character. This made for four totally unique gameplay experiences in an already awesome game, something that is still unprecedented today. 

Epic Photo of the Day: Gotta Git Me Some Of Dat College Ass

Truthery of the Day: If You Don’t Pass This Along, A Girl Will Die

Must-Have Item of the Day: “Nostalgia League” T-Shirts

Dark Bunny has started a new line called “Nostalgia League.” It’s not a good name, but it’s a pretty great concept—taking classic cartoons and turning them into elaborate and awesome sports-type logos.

My favorite is the ThunderCats one above, but there’s also Dungeons & Dragons, Transformers, and G-Force ones, too. They’re all £18 and you can check them out here.

Kim Delaney Needs A Moment…Or Two

The word MESS cannot even begin to describe the awkwardness Kim Delaney from “Army Wives” filled the stage with at the National Constitution Center in Washington DC last night. Kim, who has had problems with the bottle before, was supposed to give a speech during the Liberty Medal Award presentation to Former US Defense Secretary Robert Gates, but she ended up earning a bus ticket to the nearest drying out center instead.

Last night was not the time for Kim to show off the skills she learned at Gary Busey’s Drunken Speech Academy. Kim uncomfortably slurred on like a first grader on downers who really has to pee during their book report speech before a crew member issued a SIT DOWN BITCH on her in the politest way possible.

From E! Online:

The disheveled actress, who has been treated for alcohol abuse in the past, shocked the military audience by slurring her words, making strange gestures and fibbing about her own experience in the armed services.

At the event honoring former defense secretary Robert Gates, Delaney rambled on the podium about “having served in active military duty family for five years.”

“I’ve seen soldiers come home with painful life-altering injuries borne of their time and service,” she slurred. “I’ve attended numerous military funerals, including that of my best friend’s son.”

It’s important to note that when she talks about the funeral of her best friend’s son, she means, “on a TV show.” Not in real life. I don’t mean to be pedantic, but that’s not really the same thing.

Kim is probably still resting her head inside of a comfortable toilet bowl this morning, so she hasn’t said a thing about this mess. But if I was her, I’d blame it all on the teleprompter. When all else fails, use the “I wasn’t drunk, the teleprompter was drunk” excuse.

Hot Slut of the Day: Chile’s Very Own “Eddie Bedder”

The Resurrection of Freddie Mercury WHO?! In today’s “second coming of…” news, Eddie Vedder somehow cloned his voice and installed it in the throat of a Chilean man named Javier who mumble sang out a Pearl Jam song on a reality show.

Just like Eddie, Javier sounds like his jaw bones are made of Novocaine gel. But you know, for the first time I think I actually understood the lyrics. Fire Eddie and outsource this dude immediately!

The Shallow Man DVD Review: The Final Destination

The Film

Like Death himself, the people behind the “Final Destination” series have a plan and they stick to it. What’s more, they love to leave clues as to what Devilishly Inventive Executions they have in store. A bit like this:

Declare Intentions Early
Young person foresees carnage and freaks out, resulting in others having to leave the scene thus being spared a terrible fate. In this instance, race-goer Nick (Bobby Campo) envisions one small error at the pit stop that ultimately triggers the collapse of the rickety grandstand around him. And so it comes to pass in a sequence that’ll have palms sweating and hearts pounding even before the credits start.

Dimwits Immediately Expire
Survivors get their comeuppance in the order they would have died in the carnage. But the stupid ones generally go first. So here you can place your bets on: Nick, his girlfriend, their two friends (she’s okay but he’s a total jock), a racist redneck, a nice security guard (Mykelti ‘Bubba from Forrest Gump’ Williamson), a mechanic, a cowboy, and a mom who puts tampons in her kids’ ears.

Danger Is Everywhere
The joy of the Destinations is that Dread Infuses Everything. Once you know someone’s number is up, absolutely anything can kill them. But while everyone is wary around heavy machinery, inflammable liquids and sharp objects, you have to keep your eye on the little things. Pebbles and spectacles, for instance.

Decapitations. Immolations. Eviscerations.
You can take it for granted that all victims will ultimately go out in spectacularly splattery fashion. But as the movie titles suggest, it’s all about how they get there. So it’s important to make Demises Increasingly Elaborate. Happily, FD4 manages to sustain the momentum of its opening with nerve-jangling build-ups in a beauty salon, an auto workshop, a car wash, a swimming pool, a hospital and a coffee shop called Death By Caffeine—all the way to a self-referencing climax involving a 3D movie in a shopping mall.

Dialogue Is Entertaining
While the plots are identical, there’s no denying the series’ gleefully morbid sense of humor featuring a fine array of macabre sight gags and lines that veer from the genius (“Have you all gone out of your fucking minds?!” screams one lady, just before literally losing hers) to the why-am-I-laughing ridiculous (“I’ve been trying to kill myself all day”).

If you’ve come this far, you know exactly what to expect: a blood-and-guts joyride with Death In Excess. And the wonderfully in-your-face 3D will knock your block off. James Cameron and the folks at Pixar may disagree, but this is what 3D was made for: To make audiences scream and duck as Death hurls lethal objects from the screen.



The DVD

Visual: This is a glossy looking film and at times maybe it looks a little over-sharpened but color reproduction is spot on while black levels stay strong and deep throughout. The ruby red of the bloodshed and the various colors of goopy helpings of gore that splatter across the screen all look, um, nice and sticky while detail stays strong throughout the presentation.

Audio: This is a movie that lends itself to some pretty bombastic sound design and this mix proves more than capable of bringing all of the punch and power home. This is a very aggressive mix with near constant use of the rear channels to ensure that you're always right in the middle of the chaos and the carnage. The opening racecar scene sounds terrific and sets the stage nicely for what’s to come, with each subsequent death scene sounding just as good.

Subtitles: English SDH is included.

Extras: Aside from both 2D and 3D versions of the movie are seven minutes worth of Deleted Scenes which contain some alternate gore footage and two different Alternate Endings which run a combined four minutes in length and which are presented without finished effects work.

Grade ★ ★★ 1/2 out of 5 stars

Distributed by C-Interactive Digital Entertainment

 
Available at all Astrovision and Astroplus branches nationwide