Shoes should not look like they have hairy bunions oozing out shit on them, but try telling that to Christian Louboutin who is telling hos they better empty out their pocketbooks into his hands if they want some Siegfried & Roy shit on their feet.
I mean, has it really come to this? Are we as a society really spending thousands of dollars for shoes that make us look like we’re about to chase after some antelopes or sing about the circle of life.
Do you really want to look down and think of King Mufasa plummeting to his death? I guess Blake NotSoLively does, because she wore this mess in NYC yesterday. I swear Blake’s dog keeps looking at those shoes like she wants to start a fight with them. Or maybe she thinks those are Scooby Snacks on the toes.
The only reasonable reason for wearing Aslan’s sawed off paws on your feet is if you’re fucking with a freak who has a Narnia fetish and a shoe fetish. Even then, get these instead.
Nerdy cufflinks strike me as ill advised. Generally, if you’re going out and are so dressed up as to need cufflinks at all, I imagine you’re going someplace where nerdy cufflinks would be frowned upon, fashion-wise. There can’t be that many events where you both need to wear cufflinks yet are allowed to wear nerdy cufflinks.
However, if you do have such an event in your future, you might as well head to Cufflinks.com and check out their Star Wars cufflink collection. They range from the obvious and ugly, such as the Darth Maul face , to the more subtle, such as the X-Wing style, and then the actually possibly genuinely fashionable as long as you don’t tell anyone its from Star Wars, i.e. the Rebel insignia.
You can check them all out and pre-order them here. They do cost $60, but can you really put a price on unfashionable fashion? I think not.
Just like every year, Victoria’s Secret has their fashion show with the same models, wearing pretty much the same thing. I’m not complaining though, I enjoy each and every one of these pictures. And you should too! These shots will make work go by real fast. You’re welcome.
Miranda Kerr was at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show After Party last night where, of course, she looked absolutely fantastic. Which leads me to ask: why can’t all new moms look like this? Your baby weighed 8 pounds, why did you gain 65? The baby’s out, why are you still fat? Did he leave something in there? His luggage? A pet donkey? I don’t get it. You shouldn’t need amputation to lose weight fast. Jesus, get yourself together woman!
It’s been a busy, toxic, exhausting week for The Shallow Man. Thank God there’s Victoria’s Secret supermodel Candice Swanepoel in her undies to make it all better.
In fact, I just walked outside and saw a rose growing through concrete. And a unicorn pulling a wagon full of kittens. Then the sun winked at me. Then an elderly Mexican dragon walked from behind a tree and read me a book about the importance of sharing.
I don’t think you’re supposed to jerk off to this stop motion video of inanimate objects fucking each other, that said, if it gets you going and turns you on, just go for it! Whatever floats your boat, we don’t judge, however, I think it’s meant as a sort of spoof of fuck flicks, the YouTube description says simply:
“A pornographic stop motion. Now with more with fisting.”
It is entertaining, although it’s making me paranoid that my household items are screwing each other behind my back or when I’m asleep, or when I’m not there–I’m going to leave my webcam on all day at the apartment while I’m out at the office and I’ll post up any footage I discover of my stuff getting it on. If I get anything on tape this could be the next big genre of porno or the newest most popular category on YouPorn.
Well, here’s NSFW proof that Khia brings families together.
Like a nightmare that was spit out by that dreamcatcher over the bed, a mom and her child (Justin Bieber? Kelly Osbourne’s ex-boyfriend?) have a bonding moment by thrusting their crotches and swaying their bits to Khia’s sex education classic.
For me, this is definitely an anti-having kids PSA, because when I’m ol’ girl’s age, I know I’ll be blissing out to Khia in an attic bedroom somewhere and the last thing I’ll need is some child recording it for YouTube so everybody can steal my sweet, sweet moves.
And today, we are all THAT DOG at the 0:44 mark who sniffs at the scene like, “What’s going on? Oh shit. Fuckthisbye.”
Cruella de Vil can pack up her Dalmatian fur jacket and suck on a poisoned apple now that the fairest and baddest bitch of them all has arrived…
The thought of a live-action Snow White made me cringe into a slight heave since Snow White is one of the dumbest bitches around (I mean, talking to birds and eating an apple from some ugly ass witch), but the trailer for “Snow White & The Huntsman” has turned me into a believer.
It’s like they took some of the leftover sets from “The Cell,” a few costumes from “Dracula,” the special effects from Busta Rhymes’ “What’s It Gonna Be?” video, the music from “Inception,” a whole lot of Charlize Theron, and threw all of that together. It could still be a heaping mess, but at least Charlize looks hot in it.
Oh, and that Kristen Stewart trick is also in it as one of the taller (and slower) dwarves, but who cares about her? Especially when you’ve got Charlize in leche, Charlize devouring the souls of maidens, and Charlize paying homage to Brandon Lee by turning into a flock of crows.
The producers probably kept Kristen’s voice out of this trailer, because they know it’s been a hard month on humanity and the last thing we need is to crack our heads on our desks after hearing her butcher a British accent like nobody else has butchered a British accent. “Oh, so I guess Madonna’s British tongue isn’t that fucked up” is probably what most of us are going to say after hearing Kristen talk.
Birthday: ? Age: Unicorns never age Birth Name: Harald Glööckler
Claim to fame? One summer night in Germany, a star fell from the star and out pranced Harald looking just like he does now. The faeries gathered around him, ejaculated over his eyes and then carried him to Berlin where he became the toast of the fashion world. Okay, he actually became the toast of Home Shopping Network, which is better if you ask me. Harald currently sells fancy rayon ensembles to the masses on HSN!
Where is he now? Most likely covering his skin with a paste made from melted down mannequins. It’s one of his daily rituals. Why should we excuse his beauty? THE BROWS! THE JEWELS! THE BEAUTY! THE BULGE (it’s rhinestones and Skittles)! THE EVERYTHING!
Below are some pictures of Harald at a party last week with Nastassja Kinski and Bonnie Tyler. True story: Harald’s glamorous eye ‘staches were the inspiration for “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”
