Friday, December 9, 2011
Amber Heard is a blonde 25-year-old hottie who’s been slumming around in smaller roles in movies and TV until recently climbing the fame ladder by starring in “The Ward,” “Drive Angry,” and “The Rum Diary,” three big tickets…that all flopped. But she hasn’t given up on the A-List and she’s storming on to it by getting naked and doing some topless pics.
If you don’t know her from her many acting roles, you may know her for coming out as a lesbian, which she totally didn’t do for publicity, it’s just who she is. She’s dating celeb photographer Tasya Van Ree, who shot these three photos of her girlfriend and her tit-tays. Thought you’d like to know that factoid because it’s good masturbation fuel.
And if this is what she does for attention when her career is going well, hopefully her fame and opportunities take a Lohan and she’ll be hustling her fine bod a little harder for our notice.
Jason Sudeikis is Fucking Olivia Wilde and January Jones a.k.a. Jason Sudeikis is a Mystical Warlock
Jason Sudeikis is on “Saturday Night Live” and has appeared in such horrific movies as “Hall Pass” and “Horrible Bosses.” His last name is also “Sudeikis.” Now that you’ve read that, please know that he is now banging Olivia Wilde. You know, after he was the first person suspected of being the father of Emma Frost’s baby because he was banging her, too. DEAR GOD, MAN.
Us Weekly reports:
A source tells the new Us Weekly—on stands Friday—that Wilde, 27, and Sudeikis, 36, haven’t been shy about their new romance. The SNL funnyman brought Wilde to the show’s afterparty at NYC’s Loi on Dec. 4. “They walked in holding hands,” says a source.
“She’s come to the (SNL) studio at Rockefeller Center, and they’ve gone out to dinner after rehearsals,” adds an insider.
Jason Sudeikis continues to inexplicably plow his way through Hollywood’s hottest babes, and this time finds himself lodged directly in Olivia Wilde’s vagina because…why not? At this point, he’s probably yawning anytime he walks into his bedroom. “So which completely out of my league actress do I have to bang tonight? Sigh…”
Jake Gyllenhaal and Bradley Cooper should be pulling this kind of ass, but since they’re gay, Sudeikis is repeatedly outkicking his coverage and banging every hot, available vagina in Hollywood. I can’t wait for his autobiography where he talks about the time he buried those Swedish models in Vegas while titty fucking Megan Fox.
If you walked into Jason Sudeikis’ office, I’m pretty sure you’d find a Hogwarts diploma hanging on the wall with “Sexual Wizardry” listed as the major. That’s literally the only explanation here.
Harry Potter: “I’m going to learn how to battle Voldemort!”
Jason Sudeikis: “Yeah, that’s great. They teach rape magic here?”
Seemingly unfazed by the fact that it was raining, Jessica Alba wore this tight white dress on her way to Letterman yesterday to promote that awful looking “New Years Eve” movie and oh god dat ass i love you very much is that a new dress you look great tell me about your day i already cooked dinner and folded the laundry how are your feet you want a massage i love you…
What’s that you say? You’re looking for the perfect gift for the musician/Transformers fan in your life? Well congratulations, because you just won Christmas!
This Autobot symbol-shaped ukulele from Etsy seller Paul Celentano will brighten up anyone’s holidays for the low cost of just $550. Just imagine the fun you can have annoying your judgmental relatives on Christmas day by playing a bluegrass version of “The Touch” on this baby. If Michael Bay put you off the Transformers for good, you can still get a musical dose of 80s nostalgia with this:
That’s right, for a mere $600 Celentano will custom make you a Pac-Man ukulele. Why, with this, you’re sure to be the envy of…well, someone probably. Nerdy ukuleles: shining examples of this glorious world in which we live.
“Diablo” superfan Joshua Smith spent two weeks constructing this replica of Blizzard Entertainment’s resident nightmare using ordinary things like cardboard and LED lights.
Important Note: The Daze of My Life is totally not responsible for any insomnia/nightmares/laundry bills that watching the above footage may cause. Consider yourselves warned.
There’s a new poster for the American Pie reunion movie out, and the big news is that it finally answers the question that’s been on everyone’s minds: Is Natasha Lyonne still alive? She lives, apparently, AND she’s going to be in the movie (presumably with a bigger part than Shannon Elizabeth, who’s nowhere to be seen).
Meanwhile, the poster raises at least as many questions as it answers. Questions like…
Is Chris Klein’s head bigger than Mena Suvari’s entire torso?
Why the hell is everyone tilted sideways?
What’s so fascinating about the back of Alyson Hannigan’s head, or the side of Stifler’s neck?
And where would Tara Reid’s butt go in that arrangement?
Hopefully these will all be answered somewhere on down the line.
You may also notice that Alyson Hannigan’s flute has been replaced with a baby bottle, presumably to illustrate that there comes a time in every woman’s life where she has to stop filling up herself and start filling up babies. Or maybe it’s a hint that she’s going to shove a bottle in her pussy this time. That’d be kinky, no? Squirting your own goo back into yourself like that? Reminds me of this trick my buddy Clyde used to do.