Ho-Ho-Horny for Lucy Pinder

I’m a lazy sack of shit with a huge stack of presents to unwrap, so here’s Lucy Pinder and her huge stack to tide you over until tomorrow. In the meantime, I’ll be getting drunk off eggnog and rum cake.

Merry XXX-MAS, bitches!

The Shallow Man Diaries (Part 55): Shelf Elf Christmas Kama Sutra

Each of my kids has a friggin’ “Shelf Elf” which is annoying in itself…but...

Well...

This is what happens when I’m forced to take vacation time and I have absolutely not a thing to do for the entire day: I put the Shelf Elves into positions from the Kama Sutra, an ancient book of positions that you can get at any sex store.

Not that I’d know that.

Enjoy.

Okay. That elf on the bottom is looking pretty fucking happy at this point.

Side note: Most wrapping paper is not washable.

Carry on.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

It certainly looks like these elves are going to.

Rihanna’s Leaked Naked Pictures are Real!!!

A while back, naked pictures of Rihanna were leaked to the Internet. The rumor was that Chris Brown had leaked them to damage Rihanna’s reputation.

Many skeptics dismissed the pictures because the naked woman in them has a nipple ring on her right breast. The skeptics swore Rihanna did not have a nipple ring. Well look at this:

For those that are a little slow, it looks like the nipple ring is on the other breast because she is taking the picture in a mirror. So as you can see, Rihanna does have a nipple ring that looks nearly identical to the one from the leaked nude photos.

Here are more of Rihanna’s leaked naked pictures for your enjoyment...

Better Than Christmas Morning: 40 Holiday TV Moments in 2 Minutes!!!

Why endure the obnoxious relatives and crappy gifts of the Holiday Season when you can vicariously experience Christmas with this two-minute compilation of 40 holiday TV moments? My thoughts exactly.

JWoWW is a Bikini Genius!!!

I’m a huge fan of the Jersey Shore’s JWoWW. She’s crass and her face is so busted, but her body seems to be getting better and better. Obviously her huge fake breasts have never been an issue, thanks doc, but the rest of her seems to have finally caught up.

Here she is modeling something called the Perfect Tan Bikini. Apparently, someone let JWoWW design her own line of swimwear, and, as literally everyone who has ever heard of JWoWW would have guessed, the result was animal prints on a bikini even sluttier than regular bikinis.

Surprisingly, JWoWW’s swimwear line uses a unique fabrication that lets women remove their bikini straps without the rest of the top falling off, thanks to a revolutionary silicon-based adhesive activated by body temperature. Genius!

But to be perfectly honest, I don’t really care what it is, as long as it involves massive fake breasts and a nicely Photoshopped face, that’s all that matters.

Kinky Christmas Carols

Christmas is a time of intense rapturous experiences (“OH BABY…JESUS!”), so it’s natural that the mind wanders to naughtier things, like walking around in women’s underwear, like this hot sassy tranny belting out homemade hallway karaoke in black thongs:

Or perhaps Christmas carols moaned by hot babes in lingerie:



So come all ye perverts:

Feel free to add your naughty kinky Christmas carol lyrics to the comments on my video, fa la la la la la la la fap!

MERRY FESTIVUS!

XO,

The Shallow Man

Nude Monica Bellucci Sizzlin’ Hot In Latest Movie

Monica Bellucci is gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, intense, mesmerizing, classy, and lovely. I think I’m in love. Also, her tits are amazing. Oh, and don’t even get me started on her lips.

The Internet is all abuzz about Bellucci’s latest movie “Un Eté Brûlant” (translates to: A Scorching Summer), because of the hot hot hot nude scenes contained therein (see header pic).

The film was shoot just six weeks after Bellucci gave birth to her second child with husband Vincent Cassel (Black Swan, Irreversible). In true celebrity style, she celebrated the birth of her daughter Leonie by posing nude on the cover of Vanity Fair (Italian edition) with her newborn.

Can you believe she’s 47? If I looked like her, I would move somewhere warm and spend the majority of my time naked. If like me, it’s cold as hell where you are, let these nude pictures of Monica Bellucci warm your special place…