Saturday, January 14, 2012
Sites keep posting this new pic of Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins in Tim Burton’s “Dark Shadows” movie. He looks okay, which is to say better than before, when he looked like the love child of a mime and Twilight’s Edward Cullen…
So that’s the hard-hitting news, I guess. He looks marginally all right now.
My new pickup line at bars is, “We’re friends on Facebook. I know this because I totally jerked off to your bikini pics last night. Totally.”
Hasn’t worked out too well for me yet, but I’m relying on some not so uptight cunt who’s into guys jerking off to her on FB. Even though we all know every girl with a bikini photo loves guys jerking off to her on FB.
So far I’ve had to deal with bitches who acted grossed-out and appalled and asked me my name so they could delete me, even though we were never FB friends to begin with. That was the whole joke behind the pick-up line, dumb bitch.
I also think now is a good time to tell you to ADD ME ON FACEBOOK (click here). Magic sometimes happens there! Friendships are made, sex is recruited, laughs while talking to your computer screen as if it’s another person…you know the deal…
Anyhoo, here are naked pics of Natasha Henstridge as a sexy succubus from space in the movie “Species.” Enjoy, pervs!
I really have nothing to say except I wish I were one of those Native Americans who can shape-shift into animals because I’d go to Olivia Munn’s house and change into a cute bunny. Then she’d get naked then I’d change back into me then we’d hump. I have it all planned out.
For some inexplicable reason, people seem to really enjoy hating Megan Fox. She’s never been arrested, never had a DUI, never does the obvious attention whore things, and rarely goes to bars or parties or premiers if she doesn’t have to. What she has done is date the same guy for 5 years and stayed home to play lots of video games.
People say she can’t act, but keep in mind that most people are fucking morons who just parrot what everyone else says. No one says that about Kristen Stewart, and her acting is so wooden it’s hard to even tell if the movie is playing. It’s like she doesn’t think she’s in this scene.
Even better is that Megan has no self-confidence, meaning talking her into anal just got much, much easier. W magazine says:
“My main weakness is nerves,” she says, taking a long sip of her tea. “I have no confidence, and because of that I’m always second-guessing myself.”
“There’s a million people I could name who are more deserving of the parts that I get and the life that I’m living,” she says.
Asked if she’s envious of anyone in Hollywood, Fox raises her eyebrows, as if the answer to this question is obvious. “Everybody, maybe? Anyone who’s got any sort of legitimate accolades.”
This chick is fantastic. She’s the kind of girl science fiction writers wrote about in the 50’s—some slave girl made in a lab, perfect in every way. If she was my girlfriend I might be tempted to see if she had a panel somewhere that opened up to a bunch of wires and computer chips, but I wouldn’t because I’d be happier in my blissful ignorance.
Here are more pics of Megan as a topless angel slut from the movie “Passion Play.” Enjoy!