These Freida Pinto for Esquire UK pics could not have come at a better time, because I am currently working on making myself famous in India.
Local fame is too overrated. While having over a billion people, half of whom are girls, works for my non-existent self esteem. So I figure the best way is to post and praise these Indian chicks, specially when they are half-naked—even when knowing that Slumdog Millionaire Dave Petel awkwardness has already cum inside her.
Now I’m gonna go back to researching Indian pop culture to have better jokes that only they get, since I’m tired of you fucks and I’m moving on internationally. Sayonara, sluts!
GQ UK is doing a comedy special and they got everyone from Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Robin Williams and a lot of other rich for being funny idiots in the shit. But the highlight of the video is not the beat box edit they do, but Olivia Wilde being thrown in the mix to jiggle her tit for no reason other than to jiggle her tits.
And as much as I think her stage name is idiotic, and that I think she’s overrated and not that hot, a titty jiggle always manages to work its way into my website, if not my heart. Because after years of hate, analysis, and failed relationships, it turns out I don’t have a heart.
Either way, for a comedy issue, this isn’t funny at all. But the tit jiggle make it worth the abuse the rest of the video puts you through. Maybe that’s the joke: forcing you through hell all for a tit jiggle of a bitch you don’t care about. Who knows? British people are weird.
You may be tired of zombies. You may hate “The Walking Dead.” You may be sick of George Romero. You may even refuse to play Plants Vs. Zombies (although if so, I pity you). But I hope you will respect, if not genuinely admire, the new iPhone app “Zombies, Run!”
Basically, “Zombies, Run!” is a combination exercise game and audio adventure which turns your jog into a fictional fight for survival. It creates a route based on your location, and then as you run, feeds you destinations—like supplies to “pick up” for your “base”—and more importantly, zombies to run from.
But when the exercise is over, the game isn’t—you have to divvy up the supplies among the survivors in your base, and there’s a lot of drama going on and it’s just brilliant. It makes exercising entertaining, nerdy and outright awesome, and I could not be more impressed. You can find out more here and purchase it here.
One of my ex-girlfriends texted me last week with “Ok, so Jennifer Love Hewitt is starring in a TV show about being a single mom who is a ‘happy endings’ massage therapist? Have you written about this yet? LOL!!”
Note: That’s even funnier when you realize she’s half Chinese and that I used to call her vagina “the wok.”
I really wasn’t going to watch it, but the first print promos were released yesterday and goddamn! Anybody in the marketing campaign meeting who suggested anything other than what’s in these pictures probably got punched in the face then dragged out into the parking lot and stoned to death.
